Oral Hygiene Is Not Rocket Science.

You see, I don't understand why some men would ignore their oral hygiene and think they can magically get any woman of their choice by opening the same mouth to talk to and woo her. This was my dilemma when I boarded a very crowded bus one Friday evening as I was left with no choice due to the massive crowd at Berger junction; apparently we were all heading the same direction.

This dude sat next to me, and with all the confidence of a Hollywood movie star, probably that of Channing Tatum’s, started talking to me and requesting my ‘audience’ . The stench was so thick that it would have passed for a highly concentrated fumigant because I immediately felt the urge to use the restroom.

Feeling the need to alight the bus as soon as possible, the A-hole continued to talk, oblivious of the chaotic scenes he was causing in my stomach and the entirety of my system. I casually asked his name while politely looking away. I barely remember the name he uttered along with some slimy spittle, whatever the name was, I called it out, turning the table and 'seeking his audience' this time around.

I needed him to stop talking, to realize that he needed to be courteous enough not to foul the air that everyone else in the bus was breathing, that he needed to be more concerned about how his mouth was causing many stomachs to rumble, and that the rumblings were not born out of hunger, but the words I needed to convey the message in the subtlest of forms kept eluding me.  

Finally, as is typical of me when I really don’t care, I summoned the necessary courage and yelled at the top of my lungs “Oral hygiene is not rocket science, go learn it!”

The entire bus was now as quite as a grave yard, you could hear nothing but the engine as all eyes stared at me. I had really not intended to yell that loud, all I wanted, was to pass a message across that, really, oral hygiene is not rocket science.